


You Don't Have To (be grateful)

by ninhursag



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Idiots in Love, M/M, Past Abuse, Possession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21631129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninhursag/pseuds/ninhursag
Summary: "Back from where?" Alex managed, hearing his own voice crack around the edges. "What's going on?""I don't know," Maria whispered. Her hands were shaking. "You were here, but it wasn't you. Guerin?"Michael swallowed hard, adam's apple bobbing, bare body shifting. "Yeah," he said, like he was talking through gravel. "It. It wasn't you."
Relationships: Maria DeLuca & Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 11
Kudos: 83





	You Don't Have To (be grateful)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little mediation on gratitude and what it means for people from difficult families. For Thanksgiving weekend.

Alex's eyes snapped open, disoriented, knowing he'd lost time but not how much. He shoved down the panic immediately. Where?

Situational awareness back on, need to do a threat assessment. Where the hell was he? 

That was obvious at least.

He was… he was sitting precariously on the edge of Michael Guerin's thin mattress in his stale smelling airstream. Cleaning products and acetone and what the fuck? 

That was-- 

Michael was curled up in a ball on it, broad body made as small as possible, hiding himself. He was naked but untouched looking, none of the bruises or nail marks of sex.

His eyes were wide, whiskey and honey and… fear. That rocked Alex back, what the hell, what the hell, Michael had looked at him all kinds of ways but never that way.

There was someone behind him, but whoever it was was familiar to his hindbrain, known and safe. Totally safe. Alex took in a deep breath and let himself look.

"Alex," Maria DeLuca whispered. Relief, that was what her voice sounded like. Absolute relief. Her dark eyes looked red rimmed, exhausted. Her perfect hair was a matted mess. She wasn't naked, thank everything, but her eyeliner was running and she bought the good kind that tearing eyes didn't fuck up. "You're back."

Alex wasn't naked either, jeans and boots, buttoned shirt, his good prosthetic on. Just Guerin, who was still taking deep, panting breaths. Breathing through it.

"Back from where?" Alex managed, hearing his own voice crack around the edges. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," Maria whispered. Her hands were shaking. "You were here, but it wasn't you. Guerin?" 

Michael swallowed hard, adam's apple bobbing, bare body shifting. "Yeah," he said, like he was talking through gravel. "It. It wasn't you."

He uncurled abruptly, grabbing at something. A discarded pair of jeans that he pulled on with quick, jerky movements.

Alex's hands were fisted up. The ice that had started up his spine, in his veins, the moment he opened his eyes solidified. He forced another breath out. Steady, steady, nothing ever unfucked itself from panic. "What wasn't me? What happened?" 

Michael shook his head, shirt following jeans, something in his gaze shuttering as the layers went on. It was probably better than the fear. Maybe not. "It's fine," he said, with false calm settling over him, the lie barely hidden. "Don't worry about it."

Alex blinked, "don't worry about-- have you lost your mind? How did I get here? What happened?" 

Maria wasn't even trying to look ok, she was all tense misery. "What Guerin is trying to say is that it's not your fault," she said. 

"You were possessed. Looks like there's another alien," Michael said.

Alex had mostly guessed that far, just based on circumstantial evidence. It was about as terrifying as he could fathom, because the last thing he remembered was brushing his teeth before bed. And now, here, where no one was telling him exactly what horrific thing his body had done without him.

If he thought too hard about it… 

"How long have you known there was another alien?" Alex muttered. If they'd, if Guerin had, let him get blindsided. Fuck. 

"About since you showed up here, Maria said you weren't you and suddenly you were you again. We weren't lying to you, Alex." Michael was still curled in on himself, careful, defensive. But shaking his head. "I'm… I am grateful for what you're doing to help me. What you've done for me. I wouldn't pay you back by lying."

Grateful. Alex tasted the word on his tongue. Saw the way Michael's mouth twisted around it, the sour wrong note in Maria's expression.

Grateful. Like he and his brothers, standing in a straight line in front of dad on Thanksgiving, telling him one by one how grateful they were. For Dad's lessons, his support. Making them men to be proud of. 

Thank the belt and the switch and the fucking boot on his neck and be grateful and--

"No," he whispered. Because he didn't want, never in his life would he ever want-- and Michael winced again, the 'no' clearly connecting wrong. Alex hurried on, trying to get it right. "I know you wouldn't lie. Don't be. I'm not helping you to get something from you."

Michael blinked, "what?" he whispered. "Don't be what?"

"Grateful," Alex managed. 

"Um. Yeah," Michael said, but something in him unclenched. A warmth he usually had when he looked at Alex, one Alex had never known what to do with.

Maria sighed noisily. "I didn't need to be psychic to know it wasn't you," she said, relief obvious in her voice. She hugged herself, stepping back further.

"What did I do exactly?" Alex whispered.

"It, not you," Michael's voice was suddenly firm. He was still looking at Alex now, but not scared. Just in the old way he had, with the warmth and surprise and a little wonder. It was still a shock to the system every time, because Alex had no idea what he'd done to deserve it. Not even when he was seventeen and innocent.

"You don't have to deserve it," Maria said from behind him and Alex wondered if he'd actually been dumbass enough to say it out loud. "No one loves people because they deserve it, they love them because they do."

But Michael looked startled and then Alex guessed it was her psychic thing, going off. "She's right," he said with a startled laugh. "Frankly, both of you deserve a hell of a lot better."

Alex swallowed and gave a sharp shake of negation. Maria tugged at the mess of her hair and looked away. 

"It didn't hurt us," Michael said, slowly, out of nowhere. "Just-- said things. Wanted to-- I don't-- I'm sorry if you think that…" he trailed off, swallowed, looked back at Maria and visibly collected himself.

Alex found his fists curling, expecting something brave to come out of that set and lovely mouth, something that hurt, because that was Michael.

But he was the one who spoke first, shocking himself, rocking back with it. "I love you, Guerin," he said, suddenly, because he hadn't, not present tense, and he wanted to and Michael must know but he wanted to say the words. "I'm sorry, you don't have to say it back. You don't owe me. You don't have to… have to be grateful. I know you and--" he looked back at Maria, who had an eyebrow raised. "And Maria."

"No," Michael said. Maria laughed and he flushed visibly, freckles fading under it. "I mean, yeah. But, no. I-- no."

"Should I go--" Alex started and Maria chimed in at the same time, words blending. They stared at each other.

"No," Michael said, still red faced but more certain now. "There's an alien out there possessing humans. How am I supposed to keep you safe if you go gallivanting around where it can find you?"

"Gallivanting?" Maria muttered. "Maybe I like gall--"

"I'm fine, now that I know the risks, I can--" Alex began, only to be cut off once again.

"How about you stay," Michael said to both of them, wan and a little desperate. "I don't have that many people I love, how about I get a shot at keeping you safe?"

There was nothing Alex could say to that.. It was stupid, there was no way Guerin could promise to keep either of them safe, not without knowing more. 

But he and Maria gave each other a sideways shrug and Maria said, "we have to talk about this. With words."

Alex nodded and Michael pulled a face. "Later." He scrubbed his hands over his mouth. 

Maria met Alex's eyes again and he nodded and sat himself back down. She stumbled closer, sitting down hard next to him. "And you?" He asked her suddenly. "Are you ok? Did I-- it?"

She covered her mouth with one hand like she was keeping herself from crying. "I'm fine," she said, like she meant it. "Thank you. And you?"

Alex just shook his head. "No," he admitted without knowing why he'd said it immediately after. "I've been possessed by a fucking alien, what the fuck."

She sputtered a laugh. "Join the club."

Michael sat down next to both of them, solid and hot and right there, between and around them. Changing everything. He always did, since he'd stolen Alex's guitar. Since he'd slipped sideways into both their hearts. 

They did, they had to talk about this. Just not now, yet. Alex was grateful, suddenly, hotly, genuinely that he was going to get the chance to. No one had asked him to be, but he was.

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate comments/kudos/etc. If you liked something about this story, I'd love to know!
> 
> I'm also on Tumblr @ninswhimsy


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